I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
