i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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