Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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