ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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