It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
