my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
