I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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