the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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