If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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