Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
