I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
