He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
