What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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