It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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