my mouth tastes like poor choices
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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