everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
