none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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