please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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