Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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