6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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