the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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