I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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