so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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