Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
