Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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