TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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