So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
