my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
