I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
