you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
