Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
