conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
