FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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