she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
