dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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