Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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