dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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