i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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