All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
soo... how was my night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
