goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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