omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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