Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
