she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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