Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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