After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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