yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
