but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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