I must be too annoying 4 u.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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