I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
