I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I want is dick and wine.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
