i already hear my dad disowning me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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